purpose

The past few weeks have been challenging because I was expecting something to happen.  It never happened, so now I'm just praying about the path God had carved out for me already.  Where is this going?  Do I still have a purpose at work?  Do I still have a purpose and mission in SoCal?

The thing I'm waiting for still hasn't happened, but something else unexpected did.  My mission became clear again.  I've had four people come over in the last week for one-on-one time.  They just needed someone to talk to, and I'm blessed to be chosen to be that person.

Never do I feel burdened by this.  I actually love it.  I can't wait for the day when people come over to my home where my husband and I can help people with their problems together.  Or just listen and offer food to eat or wine to drink.  Comfort.  I've been wanting to provide a comfortable home to people for the longest time, and now I feel like it's starting to happen.  Ok, God.  Maybe I still have a purpose and mission for now.  Thank you for giving me something to do.  Thank you for listening to my prayer and helping me find purpose right now.

dream sequence: sweats are sexy

So I always tell myself I need to blog about my dreams.  I'd write them down, but let's be real - it's a bit easier and faster to do this before I start at my work emails.  If I wait til I get home later that night, most of the deets would have been forgotten.

Anyway, last night I had a dream about a guy that made me smile.  He was a tall, Filipino (I think), dorky dude.  He was cute.  He had charisma.  Anyway, we were all out for the night and just hanging with friends.  I think we were at a lounge having drinks.  At one point we were sitting next to each other and I had my left forearm on his leg with my hand on his knee.  I left to get something, came back, and subconsciously ended up putting my hand on top of his hand (which was on his leg).  We weren't a couple or anything and I felt like we were about to hold hands, but then I felt this like "oh no I didn't mean to make a move....yet I wanted to make a move...." struggle going on in my mind.  Anyway it was semi-awkward, so I ended up moving my hand and grabbing something on the table (my drink perhaps?).  There was definitely a moment though - a spark.  Later that night, he asked me if I wanted to leave.  The ask was totally not a move, just a friendly thing, so I said sure.  I think we ended up going back to my place because I changed into sweats to get comfortable.  We were just going to watch TV or something.  Super casual, no weird intentions.  But as I was in the bathroom fixing my hair in the mirror, he walked in and said "you look hot in sweats."  Ok THAT was a move.  It was cute, I giggled.  He hugged me from behind.  I played with his hair which was all of a sudden randomly sweaty (ummm yeah kinda gross, I know) but I guess that's what happens when he gets nervous.  He got shy about me touching his hair, but I thought "eh - I can deal with this" and just smiled.

Anyway, it was all cute and that was that.  Oh, dreams, thanks for making me not stress about work last night!

40

"It’s been said that it takes 40 days to change a bad habit."

40 days in the dessert.

40 day fast for Lent.

40 has a sense of completion in my Spiritual world. Here comes a couple who is about to take the amount of days to change a habit and see if they fall in love. Friends first. Good friends, I might add. I read day 1 and I wanted to skip immediately to day 40. I just want to know if they made it or not...

But just as their journey was forty days long, I guess I'll read along - one entry per day - and document how I feel about their situation.

Great experiment...makes me curious.

Maybe at the end of it all, I'll share about everything I feel about friends dating and making something more out of it.

For now, I will just share my excitement for these two friends to jump and cross the line. John Legend sang about it. Justin and Ashton did movies about it. There's always a conclusion in my mind about friends becoming...well more than friends.

To know more about the project, see the main link: http://fortydaysofdating.com/

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Day 1 reflection: Jessica and Tim start off by sending each other something cute to kick off the 40 day project. Both are feeling excited. Right now, I'm Team J. I'm all about looking for the right guy to settle with and partner up with for the rest of my life. Tim seems to be that guy that we're warned to watch out for: non-committal, same cycle/pattern of dating, habitual dater. Why watch out for this type? Because they quit before they can even see if anything real will happen. Well, he's stuck for 40 days so let's see if he overcomes his pride and falls in love, or if he resents her throughout the process.

Do whatever He tells you

Last year, I thought I was attending my very last SFC conference.  It’s not because I was going to get married, but because I felt that the weekend was sO good, I wanted to end my conference experience with that memory.  Quit while you’re on top, right?

Recently, I was in Chicago grieving over the loss of my cousin when my Viber kept ringing “Are you going to conference?  You need to register by this weekend.”  I really didn’t want to think about or deal with it, but I knew the ACC’s were doing their job, so I had to figure out how to respond.  I started to get tally of who in my Unit would be going because I would go to support them.  I had no intention of going for myself.  However, given that part of the theme was “Obey”, I’ll admit that a little bit of guilt crept in and forced my hand at registering anyway.  Do whatever He tells you. “I’m going” is how I replied to the group…but with much apathy.

Conference season is usually the most exciting time for me: preparing for all the competitions, learning the new songs, and getting excited for reunions with friends from other areas.  Maybe it was due to everything else that was going on at the moment, but all this excitement was lost this year.   Not until the Friday before conference was when I started to become a bit excited.  It started with the fact that I couldn’t drive my car to Vegas anymore because my tires were close to bald.  I had to get them changed before leaving, but doing so would cost me more than I had.  (I got excited because of that?? Just wait!)  I tried to play different scenarios in my head on how my group would get to conference, but at the end I thought it would just be best for me not to go anymore and help find a ride for the other passengers.  I went to an SFC Teaching that night with a heavy, heavy heart.  I knew God provided, but….I had a BUT.  BUT, how was this going to happen??  I approached my ACC’s in hopes for a solution, only to find out they were having car troubles as well (even worse than mine).  However, I saw something in their eyes that was lacking in mine – trust in the Lord.  I saw hope for provision.  I only carried doubt in mine.  That point forward, I knew God had something amazing planned for conference (duh).  So I took this tiny cross and bore it.  By the end of that night, all of us figured out how we would get to Vegas and managed to make it a great and happy evening.  The rest of the week consisted of getting sick and dealing with aches and pains, but suffering without offering is a waste.  God allowed this to happen to me so I could lift it up and pray for each and every person attending the conference.  I prayed that God’s message would rein in their hearts, and they would experience the same LOVE of God that I was experiencing as well (if not more).  Were all the headaches (physical and metaphorical) worth it?  YES.

OBEY.  WITNESS.  BE LOVED.

in the bridegroom's presence

I am getting annoyed at myself for starting these blogs and not finishing them. This was dated 3/11/11 - and I can't tell you what I was even thinking, since it was almost two years ago!Let's see. If I played a game with myself and blogged given any random title, what would I say about this?In the bridegroom's presence, we rejoice and not suffer. There is no sacrifice to be had because we are in a moment of celebration.Ash Wednesday approaches us next week and as Catholics, we are asked to pray, fast, and give alms. What to fast this year? Different ideas have come to mind, but what would be a true sacrifice that would keep me from doing anything for myself but rather for the good of others and the world? Maybe it'll be good for me too because my relationship with Christ will grow. Many people say, "It's not what you give up but the Spirit of the heart and the intention behind it." So if giving up social media or hanging out with my friends will bring me closer to God, maybe I'll consider that. Anyway, I have a week left to pray about what He really is calling me to do. I wish it were as simple as when I was in grade school. "I'm giving up chocolate!". Well we'll see. I love Lent, though sometimes I do dread it. It's such a "dark" time when Jesus was being put to trial, ready to be crucified and mocked. However it is an awesome time in the faith, when His resurrection brings Light and Hope to the world for ages to come. This is the time that I really really remember how much Jesus loves me and that He died like a thief thousands of years ago, just so then someone like me - a person who fails in loving him 100% daily, can be forgiven over and over again.Then on that day, when we are in the presence of the bridegroom, we can all rejoice...and eat chocolate!

"Ignorance of scripture is ignorance of Christ."

I heard this on September 17, 2010 and have been meaning to blog about it ever since. Two years later, I gained the courage to finally put it down on paper. As a Catholic, our faith and foundation is based on Christ's teachings in scripture. It is a pillar of truth. However, it is our (well at least my) Achilles Heel. Bible reading is my weak spot and quoting scripture is definitely not my strongest quality. That's okay though. I've come to a point in my faith where I am now comfortable to read it as much as possible on a daily basis and at least talk about it. I can at least speak to many of the teachings that are relevant to conversations I have with others. If they wanna see it themselves, I know I can just say, "Ok, hold on. I'll find it for you." It's better than me going "uhhmmm....yeah" then walk away. YaknowwudImean?? So that said, ignorance of scripture truly is ignorance of Christ. If we don't base our lives on the word of God, then we're basically ignoring His love and trying to make it on our own. I'm grateful for a friendship I was recently a part of. He really challenged me to read the bible daily, starting with Psalms. I enjoyed praising God in this way and really finding myself relate to those of the past. Now I'm slowly digging into the Gospels. Day by day, I continue to challenge myself to read scripture and reflect on it as it pertains to my daily life. Soon not only will these words in a book be known to others through my words, but I pray it will be reflected in my daily actions.

wasn't the world supposed to end?

I remember when they said that the world was going to end on 12.21.12, I planned for a HUGE 31st birthday party with a priest available for confession at the end. So much for the end of the world, and so much for the huge party. Neither happened but I'm actually happy about it. Maybe it's because I wanted to live my 29th birthday to it's fullest as my last in my 20's kind of thing. And then maybe it's cuz i'm now 31 and tired come 11pm. Nah, who am I kidding - if I live to be 100, I'm still pretty young :) Well just wanted to blog that we're still alive and the world didn't end on 12.21.12.