circle of trust

This is short and sweet.  Today I went to a movie in the park (Pershing Square, to be precise).  They showed The Breakfast Club which is one of the ultimate classics.  I forgot so many details and how much I enjoyed this movie.  I can relate more to this kind of high school.  I don't even know what kids these days experience, so I wonder if they'd like this.  Even just experiencing high school in a different culture than my friends who grew up in the Philippines provided a new perspective.

One of my favorite scenes is the one when they're all sitting around in a circle and sharing about their lives.  They talk about pressures they get from parents, being hard on themselves, sex, lies, and other drugs.  "We're all pretty bizarre.  Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all." -Andrew (Emilio Estevez)  I love this scene.  It's honest and raw.  This is how I like my friends.  You are able to share how you feel, yell at someone, cry, etc..  Everyone shares a piece of themselves.  That needs to happen more on my end.  I enjoy the honesty in a discussion circle.  I love that everyone was created differently.  Are we true to ourselves and our calling?  That's when the characters in the movie developed.  They understood they all had to be themselves and stop caring so much about what their friends or other people would say.  Once they accepted who they were, they all seemed to get along better.  They changed and they were accepted as is.  It takes special people to encourage you to be different and true to yourself.  It is great when those who really know you push you to be a better person.  It's very important to have these deep and close friendships.  Take it to a small, intimate level.  You learn more about yourself that way and soon enough you'll be able to move out of detention and live a different life.  You will find freedom.  You will live the life you've always wanted and receive a different sense of peace.

What's #30daysofmystagogia?  You can refer back to my blog on "About Time" to understand the meaning behind all of this.

hike to the top

As many of you know by now, I've been trying to be diligent with my Bar Method workouts.  Last night's class was KILLER because our instructor was mad at our thighs.  I'm talking she killed 'em!!!  So as one would imagine, my legs were sore and felt like they were going to just fall off all day.  I tried wearing heels this morning to keep the muscles warm, but oye.  I couldn't last past noon.  Wimp, I know.  Anyway, for what I can say was a genius idea, I agreed to go to Runyon after work to go hiking.  I haven't been in a while, and I figured it'd be good to get in as much hike time as I could before...well before I can't.  Or you know...because the sun goes to sleep earlier?  I digress.

I ended up doing the first (and hardest half) by myself.  THE STRUGGLE.  Going up the second steepest part of the hike ALWAYS gets me.  My body was not built for elevation, so thin air and my lungs aren't friends.  I'm sure it's love/hate and good for me in the end, but at the moment - nooooo thank you.  Insert mystagogia moment here: hate to have to go through the steep obstacles of life but it's always worth it at the end.  If you don't grow from your experiences, you didn't learn anything.  Tsk tsk!  If I didn't have a hard time going up the hill/mountain, I need to challenge myself to climb higher (or steeper).  Yes, there is your life...please be safe.  But emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, we need to be able to exert effort and take the hard climb of life.  We get to the top and rejoice for surviving.  We grow stronger.  We are more fit.  It is worth the climb, even if we don't see the results immediately.

Be grateful for the solid ground you climb.  Yes, the dirt and rocks may be loose and cause a little anxiety...but take it slow.  Breathe in, breathe out.  Find your footing and push to the top.  You got this.  You can do it.  In the end, you'll be grateful you did.  If you take the challenge of the hike and of life lightly, you might miss out on growth and learning.  Instead you'll just get frustrated and it'll discourage you from not only trying again but from taking things to another level.  I haven't conquered that second steep of Runyon yet, but the moment I can run/jog up it...I'll know I've won because I know how it was when I first started.

What's #30daysofmystagogia?  You can refer back to my blog on "About Time" to understand the meaning behind all of this.

back seat driver

I love Urban Dictionary (but Wiki says it too, so that makes it true, duh): a back seat driver is 1) a passenger in the car who is not in control yet excessively criticizes the driver and/or 2) anyone who offers unwanted advice.  As I was driving to work today, I randomly remembered that back seat drivers are a pet peeve of mine.  When I am a riding in a car, I know I find myself being "that passenger" sometimes, but I try to stop immediately.  The driver is in control of their car.  Unless I ask for help, I don't need to be told how to get somewhere nor how to maneuver my car.  In addition, please don't tell me how to parallel park.  That is most especially a peeve of mine.  I try my best to not take notice to my fellow BSDs so I just stop listening and drive.  If I take it personally, I will snap with a rude comment or just be sassy.  No one wants a sassy driver.  They're already doing a favor by driving YOU!  Haha - ok sorry, rant over.

Anyway, as I was reflecting on that, I started laughing because I knew Jesus was sitting next to me laughing.  "Really, Maricris, you hate back seat drivers?  What have you been doing to me over the past few weeks??"  UGH slam the brakes!  I've been called out.  I'm all about "Jesus taking the wheel," but I end up acting as if I'm smarter than His GPS (not that God needs one....but you know....).

Maricris on the daily: "Lord, how about we try this?" "Jesus, I'm thinking we go this direction."  "Watch out, You're going into a path unknown!"  "Be careful, this area is sketchy..."

Of alllllll the people in the world, Jesus knows where He's going.  He has always known where He is going to take us.  We have the freedom to roll with it.  We have the will to follow.  I've done that "lead my own journey" thing already.  Psh, overrated.  It took me to a few bad turns and a dead end just to end up back where I started.  Why waste your time when you have someone you can trust to drive and guide you?  Yes, I am human.  I will let God know where I'd like to stop and when I need a break.  I'll share my opinions with Him when I feel it's appropriate.  I still might back seat drive a little.  I'll be more sensitive and watch myself though.  So on a true road trip with Jesus, I will let Him drive and I'm going to enjoy the scenery - dry deserts, luscious falls, heavy rainfall, beaming sunshine, everything.

What's #30daysofmystagogia?  You can refer back to my blog on "About Time" to understand the meaning behind all of this.

new heights

Height: the distance from the bottom to the top of a person or thing.  In this case, the distance from the base to the highest point of the person's jump.

We took about a dozen photos before we found one of all of us jumping at the same time.  It's a shame that we all look fuzzy.  I think that's what makes this photo more meaningful to me today.  We can try our best to jump to new heights, but with the speed and exertion we put in, it's not always a clear picture.  It's not always a clear jump, but we did it.

Jesus asks me to exert more effort every day in the mission He has for me.  The more I jump at the chance to do it, the faster life seems and the more unclear my life becomes...but I realize that's okay.  I do what I can to perfect the picture, but what's important is that I 1) obey 2) have fun and enjoy and 3) complete the task.  When you take a jumping pic all you have to do is jump and smile.  Sometimes a camera just can't capture that, but you know the deed was done.

What's #30daysofmystagogia?  You can refer back to my blog on "About Time" to understand the meaning behind all of this.

independence

Today I was sitting at the park in the Silverlake Reservoir area.  I remembered that after the #journeybeyond and #100happydays photo challenges, I wanted to do my own...just for me.

You can refer back to my blog on "About Time" to understand the meaning behind all of this.

Anyway, God spoke to me today through the children.  There were soooo many young families there with one or two kids each.  The grass was crawling with kids...pun intended for some of them.  Many were learning to walk, some were kicking a ball around, and I even caught a few learning how to hit a baseball off of a tee.  Basically these kids had the freedom to roam and play safely.  But in their world, they were on their own.  They were off running into the grassy knoll without a care in the world.  But hovering over every child was a watchful adult.  Be it their parent, nanny, or a friend who was hanging out with the child's parents, there was always an adult watching them.  The kids don't know or realize this though.  Their focus was taking their next steps or kicking the orange ball.

Some parents were joyfully chasing their children around.  That's the only time the kids would notice.  Otherwise, they were completely oblivious to the fact that someone was looking at them (including myself).

We are these children in our every day lives.  Daily do we take up our own steps and create our own paths and sometimes chaos.  Daily do we focus on our own ball to kick around or hit with a bat.  Sometimes we don't see where we are going, but the big picture guy named God always has our back.  He's that Father in the corner of our eyes always watching us, making sure we are safe.  Just like any parent, sometimes He watches us fall, scrape our knee, and cry a little.  Once in a while He will save us, especially if it means we are about to run into a group of older women trying to go through their boot camp.  Ouch, that would hurt!

We are born to live our lives and grow, but we have to always remember the safety Jesus provides for us by looking after us every day.  He watches every single one of us in this world with such focus and care.  I don't know how He does it, but that is why He is God and we are not.

Kick the ball around, folks.  Take your steps.  Once in a while look back and laugh with the Father that is by our side and sometimes chasing us around to make us laugh some more.

movie reflection: About Time

**SPOILER ALERT**

Don't go any further if you haven't seen and plan to watch this film.

Near the end, the father tells Tim the secret to happiness.  Part 2 of the secret was to relive each day but then to enjoy it with a different perspective now that he knows what is about to happen.  Appreciate every second.  Even further down the line, Tim realizes that he doesn't need to time travel anymore.  He didn't need to relive a day.  Instead he just needed to live each day fully as if it were his last.  He enjoys the richness of every moment, every contact, just as if he were doing all over again.  He was present in the moment.

I want to have that kind of awareness in my life every day.  I want to be able to take each second and see God.  See His plan unfold.  See the kindness of a smile, see the bud of a plant, and even see the scar on someone's hand.  To be that detailed in life is probably impossible, but I want to be aware.  I'll be left overwhelmed, but at the end of the day it will be a good day.  Similar to Tim's experience after his first "second time around," he realized he actually had a really good day instead of a bad one, which is what he originally felt.

The #30daysofmystagogia Project

#100happydays was a great challenge to help me see what makes me smile each day.  Some days were very difficult, so finding something to make me happy was almost impossible.  However, in light of the challenge, I found something even if it were very small.  I learned to find joy in the simple and tiny things in life.  Of course there were a few times where it was super obvious I had something to be happy about, and more often than not I had a LOT of things to be happy for in one day.  All good problems to have.  Now I want to take it a step further and not just recognize something that made me happy but to take each blessing and see how God was speaking to me.  To see God in the daily routine of life is something we always forget to do.  That is the beauty and art of mystagogia.  Join me in my journey, but I also challenge you to mystagogue for yourself.  Seek into the mystery of God and let His message and love be revealed to you daily.

Godbless

mystagogue

n.

"person who initiates into mysteries,"

dream sequence: a wedding

Last night I had an odd dream about my wedding day.  I think I knew who I was marrying, however it was so rushed (or already planned out) that I felt like a zombie going through the motions.  First of all, all the groomsmen were my friends.  It was Mike, Joseph, a few other guys, and my brother.  They were chosen as groomsman because they all had the matching suit and yellow bowtie already (why they were all matching, beats me).  But I guess that's how they became groomsmen.  My bridesmaids were my friends - so that seemed to have been planned out.  The next thing I know, we were married but instead of going to a honeymoon suite after the reception, I was put in bed in my wedding dress.  I was wearing a decent sized petticoat underneath what I think was a mermaid styled dress.  As I was being tucked into bed (with my bouquet of flowers as well) I looked at my ring and noticed how bling and beautiful it was.  But then I also realized that part of the ring was a ring I already owned.  Then I felt like "wow, he didn't even get me a new ring".  Another thing I noticed is that it was on my right ring finger and not the left one....

I woke up the next day and all of a sudden I was in all white silk pajamas, but found a small stain - I guess it was that time of the month?  I covered it up, walked outside to find my groom/husband in the same suite as the bridal party.  Everyone was hugging me and congratulating me but I felt weird waking up alone after my wedding day.  I tried walking my way to my husband to hug him but as he was about to hug me, his "best friend" (some white blonde chick) came in between and tried to hug him at the same time to say congrats.  So there was a reeeeally awkward three way hug.  But then I still didn't get to hug my said husband, instead the girl tried to hug me and congratulate me but it was SO AWKWARD.  Her hug basically said "we aren't friends yet but I'll get there."  And I said to her, "It's not that difficult to give someone a meaningful hug."  I really think she was trying to prove a point to him.

Anyway - there we are standing as husband as wife, yet I felt as though he didn't want to be married yet.  He didn't mind that we were married, but there was no effort on his part.  He basically was just there and I didn't feel any love back.  It felt like I forced him to do this and he agreed to...just cuz.  As if it were an arrangement and he was just holding up his end of the bargain.

Worst feeling ever.

On top of that, my best friend didn't come to my wedding.  I feel like she forgot, but I called her days prior asking for help and no response.  Yvette was wondering where she was but didn't want to bring it up because it was my wedding day, but she noticed that Jenssen wasn't there.

Then I woke up.

Went back to sleep and met Kevin Hart but didn't want him to think I cared, so I just walked passed him after saying hello.

Then I woke up again.

Happy Labor day!