Wednesday, June 15, 2016

finding it

Imagine you are walking down the streets of New York, trying to get to a restaurant you've never been to before.  All the streets look the same, you think you aren't turning corners in circles, but then even the people start to look identical.  "Did I already go down this street?"

You know you're going the right way, but for some reason you are doubting the directions you took down from your friend before you left.  Your head is down trying to get to the map on your phone.  Headphones are in because you're listening to some tunes.  Cars are honking everywhere because...well it's NYC.  Too many satellites and tall buildings in the city, so your phone is on the fritz.  That weird symbol at the top of your phone indicates that its trying to catch a signal.  All you need is a minute of cell service to know you're going the right way....

"TURN LEFT IN 500 FEET!!!!  YOUR DESTINATION IS ON YOUR RIGHT!!!" blares in your eardrum to a point it startles you and you stop.  The volume was up so loud, you still hear the ringing even after you pull off the headphones.

This moment with your smart phone strikes you back into a reality and you look up.  Now you know where you are, where you're going, and you feel better about moving forward.  Sheesh that loud voice scared you...but you're still grateful.  It was so noisy out, that the volume helped get your attention.

This has been me recently.  I know where I'm headed, I've got the directions I need.  I'm getting a little lost along the way and scrambling for help to get back on track.

There are many ways that the Lord speaks to me on a daily basis, but when He is clearly screaming for my attention because I'm too deaf to hear Him, He comes at me hard in ways that will grab my attention: music and nature.

Lately, I've been trying to hone in on what the Lord is asking of me in service.  But in that reflection, I've fallen into a selfish place asking how I'm being taken cared of in all of this.  My love for Jesus, suddenly became conditional.  I don't know how or when I went down this rabbit hole, but it took a song and a storm to shake me awake.  It was the loud voice I heard in my heart, and the affect is still ringing in my head.

I was a prayer group at my church, and we listened to this song "Help Me Find It" by Sidewalk Prophets.  The whole song just resonated with me this evening, but this line sums it up: "If there's a road I should walk, help me find it.  If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment."  I don't doubt that the Lord hasn't helped me find my way.  It's that I don't give Him enough of my quiet time to be still and rest in His peace.  I feel like I'm going through an internal/spiritual/emotional kind of storm.  But as I walked out of that prayer meeting today, I was reminded by God of the beauty of the earth after a real storm.  Rain came pouring down this evening.  It was a straight up downpour.  However, when I walked outside, I did NOT expect to see the sky look absolutely stunning.  

This was God saying, "After the storm is a beautiful calm.  Let the storms in your life happen and pass."

That gave me peace and I know I needed to stop and be still.  That song and the vision of the sky this evening was my smartphone's voice yelling into my ears.  It stopped me in my tracks and made me look up.  I now know where I need to go, how to get there, and keep moving forward.  Thank you, Jesus, for knowing my heart so well and grabbing my attention today.