3, 2, 1...go!

"You can't win if you don't race!" - Tow Mater of Carsland

Yes, I'm quoting from a ride in California Adventure.  Tow Mater's got it right!  There have been many situations where someone tells me a goal they have in life, but when I ask what they're doing to achieve it...they say they haven't done anything!  How do you expect to get anywhere if you don't move?  God gives us grace and blessing each day, but He also give us free will.  That said, we have to move our butts from off the couch and do something.  Things don't always land in our laps unexpetedly.  Whether it's updating your resume for a new job you want, asking a girl you've had your eye on out on a date, or starting that "more vegetables, less junk food" diet...you need to physically do something to get results.  Even in our relationship with God, we ask why He doesn't seem to work more in our lives.  Sometimes it takes us saying "yes" and doing something for Him first, in order for His plans to work and come to life.  Strengthen our prayer time.  Say "yes" to more service.

Do something.  Race.  Soon you will find yourself crossing the finish line faster than you can say, "Ka-Chow!"  I'll see you on the course :)

unexpected call

Last night, my dear sister friends reminded me that we need to be specific with God when we pray.  Despite having already blogged about it, I still forget that detail sometimes.  I went to bed thinking about what I needed to pray for specifically.

Night passes, dreams are dreamt.

This morning as I was getting into my car, I noticed a heart shaped charm on the ground next to my door.  It was my St. Anthony charm!  How did it fall off my keyring?  I checked the link to see if it was broken or loose, but it was shut pretty tight.  That said, I knew it was a check-in from my heavenly friend.  He was trying to get my attention to pray for his intercession today, so I had a good one-on-one session with him at mass.  I also shared his "phone call" with my sister friends in case they needed a nudge to chat with him today too.

Click here to learn more, but note that St. Anthony of Padua is the patron saint of lost articles.  A while back, I heard something funny about single people asking St. Anthony to find their "lost [future] spouse".  I thought that maybe that's why he was tapping me, so I said a quick prayer for "him" (wherever and whomever he is).  I know it's silly, but hey - God has a sense of humor!

Anyway, later on I felt like it was more than that.  I prayed with the intention to find my faith and hope in God again.  Not that it was lost, but if I really break down my conversations with God, it's lacking.  Today God told me, "Stop acting like you know My plans.  You don't even know, so stop anticipating My next move.  Maricris, I am God.  You are not.  I love you more than you love yourself.  Have a little faith and trust in Me that I know what's going on."  [See how Jesus only asks for a little faith??  #mustardseedfaith]

He goes on and on but it's a bit more personal, so I'll skip a few sentences ;)

Then He continues, "Don't you believe in My Love for you?  Just as I came as a child to St. Anthony, come as a child to Me.  Let Me carry you through this.  Let Me love and hold you.  Rely on me."

So with a sincere heart and a specific request through the St. Anthony prayer, I really asked to find hope and faith in God in all things.  I want to have the courage to trust and the peace to understand something unknown.  It really went hand in hand with today's gospel - Luke 18: 35-43.

Jesus asked him, "What do you want me to do for you?"  He replied, "Lord, please let me see."  Jesus told him, "Have sight; your faith has saved you."  He immediately received his sight and followed him, giving glory to God.  When they saw this, all the people gave praise to God.

"Lord, please let me see."  That is my prayer.

The night continues, and I catch up with a good friend at dinner time.  As we were chatting, she says point blank to me, "Have faith and hope.  Trust in God."  She didn't know about my prayer time at mass today, so that was enough for me to "see" that I'm on the right track.  God's love is obvious and I need to start acting grateful for it :P

That early morning "phone call" from heaven was not wasted.  Through St. Anthony, Jesus heard my prayer and answered me.  St. Anthony helped me "find" my way and the words I was looking for from God.  I also read this, which affirms his strong presence for me today:  "St. Anthony of Padua's life is what every Christian's life is meant to be; a steady courage to face the ups and downs of life, the call to love and forgive, to be concerned for the needs of others, to deal with crisis great and small, and to have our feet solidly on the ground of total trusting love and dependence on God."

Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you, St. Anthony.  To all my heavenly homies - you know who you are....thank you.

That was a quick answer to my prayer, but I wouldn't want to have it any other way.

dance, dance

I'm going to be sore in the morning.  I haven't danced like that in sO long!  Tonight was the "God's Great Dance Floor" Fundraiser for ANCOP and we all really just had a great time.  The cause is important to me, so I really wanted to be there for the event.  Heard we hired a DJ and that was enough to get me excited because I had been wanting to go dancing for a long time.  I love groovin' like no one is watching.  I'm not talking about gettin' all freeeeaky like no one be watchin' yo (though I admit that's fun once in a while lol).  I'm talking, "Coachella" dancing when you're just spinning around and singing along to the song...no care in the world!

But sometimes I find myself dancing in a group where my "festival" dancing doesn't work.  Trust me, I already bumped into plenty of people...whoops!  Sometimes you have to dance with a partner.  OYE.  The Lord knows that has been hard for me for a long time, but I absolutely love watching couples who do it.  I'm envious but I know I just need to learn some day.  Salsa, Cha-Cha, Swing, etc...takes a certain kind of skill in me that I don't seem to have.  Some say I do, maybe I just haven't learned properly.  Who knows.  Shake dem hips, gurrrrl....

But God taught me that in a similar way, He leads me on His dance floor, and I'm just to follow.  I may stumble and step on His toes once in a while, but it's okay.  He spins me around and I have no idea what  I'm doing, but there's a natural beat - a natural "next step" that comes to play and I just go with it.  I find myself dancing to His beat and it works out well.  I admit, in the beginning I'm scared.  I'd rather know what I'm doing.  I'm all about the choreographed dances....but sometimes someone has to just know what to do and just lead you.  Then I'll just follow.  If you have the right teacher,  you'll get it.  God is the perfect dancer and I am learning to just go along with it.  Sometimes I want to do my own thaaang, but at the same time I'm not trying to make Him look like a fool, so I go along.  He knows the right moves to the right song...I'll just let Him swing and twirl me around, and I'll smile :)

not reading between the lines

God met me where He knew I would listen.

It has been a while since I read a book in one weekend.  It was an easy read but two things: 1) I didn't get through other easy reads such as "The Fault in our Stars" or a Harry Potter book that quickly and 2) I was out all day Saturday and half of Sunday.  So where did I find the time and energy to read??  

Well let's take a few steps back.  I bought this book back in 2009 in the Philippines.  I had no idea what it was about, but I bought it blindly because I love Paulo Coelho's writing.  He hooked me from "The Alchemist" but continues to string me along through his Tweets and blog posts.  I saw it and thought I could read it on the flight back to the states but actually never got to it.

Last week, I thought of the book.  I know it sounds strange, but I really felt the Holy Spirit leading me as I found it on my shelf and thought I should read it.  Now as to not spoil the story, I will just say that reading the synopsis on the back cover intrigued me.  I had a feeling the characters would speak to me, and sure enough they did.

From Paulo Coelho, author of the international bestseller The Alchemist, comes a poignant, richly poetic story that reflects the depth of love and life.

Rarely does adolescent love reach its full potential, but what happens when two young lovers reunite after eleven years? Time has transformed Pilar into a strong and independent woman, while her devoted childhood friend has grown into a handsome and charismatic spiritual leader. She has learned well how to bury her feelings . . . and he has turned to religion as a refuge from his raging inner conflicts.

Now they are together once again, embarking on a journey fraught with difficulties, as long-buried demons of blame and resentment resurface after more than a decade. But in a small village in the French Pyrenees, by the waters of the River Piedra, a most special relationship will be reexamined in the dazzling light of some of life's biggest questions.

I don't want this to be a book review, nor do I want to ruin the story for my fellow avid readers.  I really encourage you to pick it up and read it someday, because the story was simple yet very meaningful.  Perhaps it was more meaningful to me because I could relate to the story strongly, perhaps it will be meaningful to you because it is written well.  I do want to say that I was affirmed in so many ways that I was meant to read this book.  Even a few details affirmed me: a love for Mother Mary, encouraging a life in the Holy Spirit, and the story taking place around the feast of the Immaculate Conception.  These small nuggets were gold in my time of reading.  Lately I've been seeking for some direct answers, and God met me where He knew I wanted to be found...in a book.  I didn't need to read between the lines, some of the answers were written right there - straight up, black ink on a white page.

I do want to share some thoughts I picked up as it relates to my life and a blog I had been delaying to post.  I've actually been wanting to write on something about this the past few weeks, but I didn't have the courage to write it.  Why?  Because I have a feeling I'm about to be a bit vulnerable.  Why is it that when a girl talks about the "desires of her heart", it's as if she's letting her guard down and someone is about to crush her dreams?  Can I write with caution yet at the same time be open enough to share about a hope in life?  Back to the book...

"To love is to lose control"
I'm not saying I'm in love, but the idea of it possibly lurking around the corner some day can be a bit frightening.  The main character, Pilar, fights herself.  She is fighting a potential love that she wants to share with an old friend, but she is trying to be realistic.  She wants to be in control of her heart.  She would prefer to go back to an easier life and find a husband in her hometown.  She doesn't want to fall for someone who could leave the next day, based on the life he was living.

On the feast of St. Pope JPII, I read something he said: "There is no place for selfishness and no place for fear. Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice."  Yes, you lose control of what you think would make up the perfect love, but no one thinks of sacrifice and being selfless first.  Everyone focuses on how the love will help them.  How does this love cure me?  Love cures all...you and the one you love.  You can fight it all you want, but as JPII states, "Do not be afraid."  Don't be afraid to lose control.  Don't be afraid of changing a life you once knew to help build one that will only make the world a better place.  Don't be afraid to make sacrifices for the one you love.  It might liberate you. 

"I observed the woman I had been up until then; weak but trying to give the impression of strength.  Fearful of everything but telling herself it wasn't fear - it was the wisdom of someone who knew what reality was."
If I said I couldn't relate to this, I'd be lying not only to you but to myself.  Fear can come from an experience we feel resulted in failure.  We think we want to learn and grow but sometimes that keeps us from taking any more risks in life.  Gotta play it "smart".  We want to prevent pain and chaos because nobody wants that.  Nobody asks for that.  If you can find a way to avoid it, avoid it.  However, just because you know reality doesn't mean you know the future.  Let me rephrase.  Just because I know reality doesn't mean I know the future.  I can be wrong sometimes :)

"We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen."
That's what began to change my heart.  We have to allow the unexpected to happen.  Things don't make sense in my life right now and part of me wishes I could go back and take control of my life and emotions again...but it's too late.  Certain situations happen and things change.  Once you let love in, all bets are off.

The unexpected has happened and now I have to learn to deal with it.  I have to be okay with the risk I was willing to take at the time and not regret an opportunity to let "love nourish my existence."    So now I need courage.  I have been praying for courage.  I've been inspired to seek courage.  I am not the kind of girl that needs the courage to let go.  That's easy.  That's the life I know.  I'm the type that needs the courage to hang in there and keep going.  If I see a situation where I can avoid a potential disaster, I'll detour quickly...typically to an end.  However, I've recently learned that I need to keep going even if it leads me to a dead end.  It's all about the experience on the road and not letting myself think I'm wasting my time traveling.

"Thy will be done"
Mother Mary understands the mystery of total surrender.  I've learned that in my devotions and consecrations to her.  I've learned that in reading about her.  I've learned that once again in this book.  Pilar prays and ends with this simple line that I need to carry with me everywhere I go.

So to answer my question from the first paragraph of where I found the time to read this weekend, the answer would truly be "from the grace of God".  He is God of time and strength, so He blessed me with both to speak to me and answer some questions I had.

I specifically told Him to give it to me straight, and per usual, He answered me.  I still have some discerning and reflecting to do, but in the meantime I will go with Pilar's prayer and trust our Mother and Father heard me.