Nothing gives me more anxiety than waiting in the "Waiting Room" at a doctor's office. Even if nothing is wrong and you know exactly why you're there and what is going to happen, the time when you're just sitting in there waiting for your name to be called is so nerve wrecking. What is it?
I've spent enough hours in the waiting room this year than I would like, but each and every time I was called to the room and left the doctor's office, everything was always okay. That's just the same with my prayer time. Sometimes I just sit there and look up at the cross or a statue of Mother Mary and wonder what I'm supposed to do next. What am I waiting for? But then I'm called in my prayer time and when it's over, I leave feeling less anxious and more peaceful. Yet each and every time - it's a bit nerve wrecking. What is it about the silence of waiting, the unknown, that keeps me up at night? Some people just seem so calm, watching TV, reading their magazine, playing on their phone. Me? My mind races a mile a minute anticipating what's going to happen.
And all this has taught me that I need to learn to stop and just read a trashy magazine once in a while. Dwell on the life of a celebrity's next marriage or adoption rather than plan out my funeral. I know I'm talking two extremes here, but you know what I mean. I need to think less of my worries that I know won't come and focus on the now.
Right now, as I pray, I know the Lord is holding my heart. Mother Mary is holding me in her arms. I'm good, I'm golden. Yet my mind is still planning out the demise and shatter of my heart. What kind of faith is that? What kind of faith do I carry if I already pretend I know what will happen with my heart...the same heart that I know is being held and protected by my Father. He would never destroy it. He would never let it harm me.
I'm not in the waiting room in anticipation of heart surgery, sheesh! I'm just waiting for a normal check up to know that I'm still ok and on the right path to a healthy life.
The Lord is my Physician, and He knows best how to care for me. I mean I still take preventative care into my hands, but He's cool with it. Keeps me in the waiting room less than I need to.