doubt

What is doubt?  The lack of faith?  It's funny how that five letter word can truly make an impact on a person's life.  I have been told to not doubt in my God.  If God is love then that means I should not doubt love.  If we're really in love with the people we say we are, then why do we still doubt?  No matter how charming, how caring, how wonderful the person is, there is still a small voice in the back of our heads that say "be careful".  Why?  How did that doubt get there?  How do you get rid of it?

Unfortunately, not everyone in this world believes in unconditional love.  Not everyone believes in monogamy, faithfulness, or loyalty.  There are so many instances where people take advantage of love and turn it to lust.  Because so many people are doing it, we fail to see true love when it's right in front of you.  Because so many people take advantage of that true love, it's lost meaning on others.  But what happens when you find yourself in love with someone in the purest way?  How do you know they love you back?  Actions?  Kind words?  A healing of the soul?  Then why do I still doubt love in its purest form?  Why do I still doubt that God has it out for me...that He's punishing me for my sins?

My God is a faithful God.  His love is unconditional and everlasting.  He is so deeply in love with me, it's overwhelming.  Yet, I find myself too blind to see it.  I find myself still complaining, still worrying.  He's already taking care of me, yet I have this need to control things myself.  I've finally found what I'm looking for, someone to look out for me - yet I won't let Him.

Even in this world, I have people who love me and take care of me...but I find myself wondering if it's what I think it is.  I find my own insecurities pour out and wonder, "Is this for real?"  I want to change that.  I want to trust love.  I want to embrace it.  I want to let it in.

I want to love LOVE.