the dream

I met with multiple people at the new j.o.b. over the course of the week and one gal said, "I mean this is my dream job."  She said that, and it reminded me that someone asked me that too when I told them where I was going.  "Oh my gosh, that's the dream right?!  It's totally what you've been wanting to do."

Quick answer: Yes.

That is true, but why the apprehensive attitude?  Is it because I dreamed that the next big thing in my life would be something a bit greater than a new job?  But I understand that this isn't just a job.  It's a calling, it's a mission.  Is it because I realized how much I didn't want to leave Los Angeles?  But this mission calls for sacrifice, and that means letting go all I have for the greater good.

I feel all the feels.  I know logic vs heart vs faith etc etc etc.  At the end of it all, God wins and takes reign of my wants and needs.  I pray to slowly (because I'm human, I can't do it overnight) release all my desires to Him, so He can fill me up with the right things in life I'm to long for.

My heart desires to fulfill another mission.  My heart desires to be surrounded by the people I've left behind.  My heart desires to love beyond capacity, and surrender to God and live out the plan He has for me.  I guess at this time, I can't have everything that I want and I need to be okay with that.

Lord, if this is what you've handpicked me to do, then amen.  As I prayed today at mass, I know you'll take care of everything else I worry about.  Just continue to live out the YES I've already started.

So what is the dream?  The dream is to be in heaven and to bring everyone I know and love with me.  This job helps make that dream come true.  "Go live your dream" is written on the boat, and I pray I can accept that and live it out.